In a nameless city deluged by a continuous rain... two penguins live with a child nutritionist

As the title sequence fades out a woman appears, descending a spiral staircase into what appears to be a spacious open-plan flat. From the window, an urban skyline is visible. The woman begins to talk – to a duo of penguins. Her voice is strained, the inflection unnatural – almost as if she were a television presenter uncomfortable with the idea of sustaining dialogue with a puppet. Their eyes glazed, the penguins nod and reply to her every statement. They never blink.



As if to punctuate this impossible discourse, anthropomorphic cupcakes chime in with three-part harmonies at seemingly random intervals. The doorbell rings. Two people, barely half the height of a normal human adult, enter. They cook. All the while, the penguin stares.

It all sounds a bit David Lynch, doesn’t it?



In reality, it’s ITV’s latest offering at the altar of children’s TV: a cookery show. After watching a few episodes – for research purposes, of course, I might hastily add- I’ve reached the conclusion that, despite having a certain charm, it raises several questions.

1. What tragedy befell ‘Jimmy’ the penguin prior to broadcast?
Watching the show, you don’t get the impression that Jimmy is ‘wide-eyed with excitement’ so much as ‘shell-shocked’. Perhaps he recently received a tweet from Anthony Weiner. Whatever the trigger, it’s left him looking half way between Malcom McDowell in the infamous Ludovico technique (pharmacologically-assisted aversion therapy) scene and a juvenile scops owl...







2. What on earth is a penguin doing with a dead chicken in its fridge?

I know that in a world in which children turn up (unannounced) at the abode of a middle-aged woman, and a Sphenisciforme with no opposable thumbs invents and operates heavy machinery, the food chain should be the least of my concerns, but there’s something slightly unnerving about a penguin eating a chicken...


We all know where the penguin is really looking.

Having said that, if you happen to have 15 minutes to spare I can think of worse ways to spend it.